Jack

HOLY CRAP!!! You'll never BELIEVE the awesome service I found out about today! It's called The Poop Butler at http://www.poopbutler.com/. For only $55 a month, someone will come out and shovel Benny and Rufus's turds out of my yard. If you ever had pitbulls, you would know that they leave some gigantic steamin' piles in the yard and I'm tired of having to gag everytime my mom makes me go out there and pick them up. Speaking of my mom, she wants me to get the twice a week service for $95, but I was like, "DAMN WOMAN! That thar is expensive!", especially since they cut my hours at the hot-dog stand. Maybe if I can talk Pedro into giving me more hours, I could someday spring for the dog walking service too. Just wait until Carrie finds out about this! She has three pits!

Current Mood: grateful
Current Music: AC/DC - For Those Who Love To Rock, We Salute You

I got a kewl new idea for my thesis the other day, thanks to my Mom. She slipped on the steps in the basement while bringing me breakfast and twisted her ankle. So I had to go out to the supermarket because she couldn't walk properly, and Nibbles had run out of food. I suggested she could hang on to the shopping cart and use it like a walking frame, like lots of old folks do, but NO, she made me go out IN THE RAIN!

Well, I got wet of course coz I ain't got an umbrella. So I thought I'd buy one while I was there so Nibbles food would stay dry when I walked back to Mom's car. I looked everywhere for one, and eventually asked at the checkout, where this dude told me they'd sold out. WTF? How could they sell out of umbrellas?

Anyways, the guy told me they only stock umbrellas when it's gonna rain, but the latest downpour had taken them by surprize. So I asked the stupid freak why they didn't stock them all the time, just in case. But then he started on some BS about wasting floor space for things people don't buy unless they need them.

So that got me thinkin'. I'm a pretty smart dude, see. I figured that, instead of relying on the weather forecast which is wrong half the time anyway, why not do some research on which is the best day of the week to sell umbrellas? Then all they need to do it put the umbrellas out on the right day!

The benefits to society would be enormous! Shops would only need half the usual space for umbrellas, because they could work out the best day for females and a different best day for guys, so they'd only need to put out the right colors on a given day. The rest of the week they could use the umbrella space for stocking extra pet food or coke or computer games or somethin'.

The whole shop could be smaller, which means a smaller footprint and less greenhouse gases and global warming. Shops that only sell umbrellas wouldn't need to open every day. The drivers that ship them all over the country would only have to load and drive a full truckload of umbrellas to the shops once a week, instead of half-empty trucks a couple of times a week when it's raining, causing road accidents. That would help to keep our new socialized hospitals free of too many sick and injured people, so it wouldn't end up like Great Britain where guys end up waiting 5 years for a hip replacement. The factories in Asia that make the umbrellas would only make them when needed, and the rest of the time the workers could stay at home and grow extra rice or something, helping Hillary or Barack to feed the world when they get in.

I'm on a roll now. When I get these sudden flashes of inspiration, even Carrie stands back with her eyes rollin', like she's in AWE of my ideas, or motions like she's pulling on my nuts, which I guess means she's gettin' all horny over me again. I'm gonna start workin' on my thesis draft right away. When Barack walks to the end of the rainbow on his way to the White House, he's gonna be dry, coz the shop had an umbrella when he needed one!

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Ben Folds Five - Raindrops Keep Falling on my Head

My mom keeps sweatin' me about grandkids again. She wants me to go out and find a better job, like at UPS or at the Sears Distribution Center. How am I supposed to do a job with heavy lifting when my knees are so bad?!? She keeps telling me that no girl will want to get with a 26 year old guy who lives in his parent's basement and collects transformers. That's bullshit, man! I've met plenty of ladies online into transformers. When I went to Transformers The Movie for the third time, I saw a few women there by themselves.

Current Mood: discontent
Current Music: the leonard nimoys- ballad of bilbo baggins

Well, the unthinkable has happened and I've been banned by stupid_free, just because I dared to suggest to a few fellow posters that they should actually read a post before making a comment. Come on guys, if you want to snark then go ahead and snark. The rules are simple: 1. Read stupid posting, 2. Write up intelligent witty reply. Replying TL;DR is neither witty nor intelligent. Nor are FAIL, WTF or cat macros. If I see another freaking cat macro then I'm gonna set Nibbles onto them!

Spamming is the most stupid waste of time of all, I mean as if the spammee is really gonna direct replies to their 'real' mailbox. Duh!

This all gets me thinking. Where is the right to free speech? Socialism is based on all being equal and our right to be heard. Yet douche nozzle mods like lord_jizz and sayonara_jizz (or whatever it is dribbling out of their noses) get butthurt and ban anyone who says something they don't agree with. This is America, not North Korea. Hey, if all you hear is the sound of your own voice then you'll never learn anything new. The same goes for anyone who uses TL;DR or tries to shout people down by spamming.

I'm even starting to see a bit of kharmii's POV now. I read that she got banned to. Normally I'd be happy to see the ass end of a conservative, but at least he/she had the balls to stand up there and say what she believed in. And more importantly, let others have their say in return. I thought her art sucks because she don't do furries, but I've decided that furries are a big asswipe now anyway, thanks to blasphemusfish opening my eyes. I'm really not into dog dicks.

Okay, I'm pissed because I broke up with Carrie last night too. She spent all my last pay check on a new goth outfit, so the other Carrie (my pet pitbull) has to eat dry dog food all next week. Hey Carrie, you got 5 kids now. When r u gonna grow up instead of acting like some weird kid who thinks they're still 17?

That's my rant for today. And for anyone who's thinkin TL;DR, well fuck you. If you ain't gonna read it then don't bother leaving a comment, here or in stupid_free.

http://i254.photobucket.com/albums/hh104/joecool_026/ferret2.jpg

Current Mood: indescribable
Current Music: None - Carrie took my iPod

I saw Golden Compass yesterday and it was A-W-E-S-O-M-E!!! I'm a little bit disappointed at how the directors cut out the hidden messages about atheism but maybe the kewl special effects will inspire kids to go out and buy the books, which will teach them to think for themselves and not get into all that bible mumbo-jumbo.

I made my own daemon from the movie.  Daemons are supposed to be the opposite sex so I made mine a lady fox that is half inspired by neopets and half inspired by a character I saw on Deviantart. I drew a picture of what she'd look like as an anthro.

( Read more... )

Her name is Sparkekins and she has six tails and six breasts because she's a real individual like me. She dresses all in black and has red, yellow and green rainbow hair. Christian guys are prejudiced against her because they like women with two breasts, not six.

Sparkekins is a witch too. If I wasn't an atheist, Wicca would be my faith of choice because it is so kewl. Why would someone want to be a Christian and go to boring church all the time when they could dress kewl, cast magical spells and have cute, fuzzy animal familiars following them around?

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: AC/DC- For Those About to Rock

Hey, I finally got my membership approved for useless_facts.   AWESOME!!!!    I first applied 2 weeks ago, and I've heard they normally accept within 24 hours, but it took them FOURTEEN DAYS!    I'm thinking they just don't want intelligent people joining up and upsetting their cozy little forum by saying things they don't agree with.   I'm sure most of the members there have already worn out the T-R-O-L keys on their keyboards.    No, I just want to join so I can have a good laugh watching them jerk each other off over some bit of useless crap one of them found, while I do some more research on USEFUL things.

Current Mood: creative
Current Music: Steely Dan - Life is a Minestrone

What a rotten day!  Rodriguez says I gotta sell more hotdogs or he's gonna replace me with his cousin. He says doing 10 an hour when there's a queue is too goddamn slow. Well fuck him! Once Hillary get's in, I'm gonna shove his hotdogs up his Mexican ass.  What a selfish bastard!

I'm so sick and tired of selfish people.  There are so many people with careers making them all kinds of money, yet none of them give as much to charity as I would if I weren't a starving college student making minimum wage! Oh well, maybe I'll win the lottery tomorrow.  The first thing I'll do is give some $$ to United Way.  Then I'll buy a few more X-Box games, a new power cord for my laptop, a new IPOD, and some zebra seat covers for my ride.  Oh, and a bigger cage for Nibbles, my ferret.

Some people may be skeptical, but I believe that environmentalists make the best ping-pong players.  When people have passionate thoughts of Global Warming on the mind, it's like they get into a zone where nothing can get by them.  In fact, I conducted an internet study to prove my point.  I gathered all of my WoW buddies and asked them various questions about ping-pong and environmentalism, asking them to give 'yes' or 'no' answers or ratings of 1-10 about whether they agree/disagree.  Unfortunately, the answers turned out to be too vague to come up with a definite conclusion about whether environmentalists make better ping-pong players.  Then some guy who plays ping-pong got on the forum and said that he knows a lot of other ping-pong players and he doesn't think that environmentalism has anything to do with ones ability to play ping-pong at all!  The nerve of that guy!  Doesn't he know that the plural of anecdote is not equal to data?

Current Mood: indignant
Current Music: Bob Marley- One Love

I sent off another 20 emails today to colleges in different states, trying to get a research grant.  That's about 50 I've applied for to date, but no joy.

I'm proposing an interesting subject for my doctoral thesis - The Social Implications of Left-Handedness in Humans.

A lot of scientists have studied the predominance of right-handedness in people, with the figures something like 85%.  But nobody has really thought about the social impacts.  Are right-handers smarter than left-handers?   Ok, 15% of the general population is left-handed, but how many of our great leaders have been left-handed?   None as far as I can tell.   Do left handers have some sort of brain deficiency that prevents them from making decisions or inspiring others to follow their lead?   Do left handers have a tendency to be led rather than lead, to accept what is rather than embrace change?

If left handers don't make good leaders, what are they good for?   They might very well make good workers and supervisors, but at what social and economic cost?   If we only employed right-handers, we wouldn't have to worry about the expense of making tools and equipment to cater for both left and right handers.   If left-handers didn't exist at all, waiters at restaurants wouldn't have to worry about setting the table with the fork on the left and having a south paw come along and swap it to the other side.   Sporting equipment companies wouldn't have to make left-handed golf clubs.  Henry Ford was right handed, so we drive on the right side of the road.  Henry Royce was a lefty, so the Brits drive on the wrong side.   Now we pay more for Toyotas because the Japanese have to make both left and right handed versions.  The list is endless.

Could left-handers be bred out, and would it be desirable to do so?   Even right handers can still carry the recessive C gene, so it would mean only those with DD gene combinations be allowed to have children, which is too small a percentage to yield a sustainable population.  Perhaps if scientists could uncover a way to switch off the C gene, the benefits to our society would be enormous!.

Whatever happens, when I find a girl and get married, I hope she's a DD.    

Current Mood: frustrated
Current Music: Pink - U & Ur Hand

 Doctors suck.   I got an ingrown hair on my right butt cheek and couldn't sit at my computer, so I pinged the doc but no reply.  I had to walk all the way upstairs from my mom's basement to the phone and call him.   But the lazy bastard doesn't do house calls, so I had to drive all the way there.   I don't like going to doctors because you have to sit in the waiting room with sick people.   I hate sick people!!!    They shouldn't be allowed out, breathing their nasty germs on everybody.    Anyway, he told me to lose some weight and get more exercise.   WTF?   My mom could have told me that for free!   Doctors get paid too much.   The douche sent me off to get some antibiotics, then back to mom's house.   I got a pizza and some beers on the way, so I suppose I didn't waste the trip.    I hope those pills work, because I can't sit down and am gonna sue the doctor and Pfizer if they don't.  

Current Mood: pissed off
Current Music: Wierd Al Yankovic - Eat It